Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
