just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
