p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
