There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
