if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
