from now on my penis is your penis
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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