So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
