Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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