So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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