I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
