I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
