he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Randomize
