May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
