To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
