coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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