Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
