last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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