i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
