if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
