So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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