For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
