i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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