I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
