Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
