Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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