We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Randomize
