You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
