im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
