I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need to sanitize my soul.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
