1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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