Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
