I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
