I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
