you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
