I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
