I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Well I just put wine in my tea
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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