it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
