In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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