there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
