I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
