3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Farmville is her only friend.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
