It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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