i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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