Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
