My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
