I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
