I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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