Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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