I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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