I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
