My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Randomize
