I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
