my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
