Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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