Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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