My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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